I’ve always been curious about how people think and how the mind works. How different people go through the same experiences but end up with two totally different outcomes. As a kid, my library checkouts were self-help books on audiotapes. Because of my research, I was always sought out for advice. So, I was always a life coach but didn’t know it.
In 2007, I experienced the loss of my mother to cancer. I became the go-to person for people to literally sit on my couch, and I’d walk them through what they will experience in their “new normal." I especially enjoyed doing this because while I remember the full support of my best friends, there was a hollowness in talking to them, because they had no idea what I was going through. There’s a dramatic difference between empathy and full understanding. Especially with such a life-altering event. My words to people are now, “this is going to f***ing suck, and here’s what you can do along the way to cope…,” verse “I’m sorry for your loss” or my least favorite, “they’re here with you in spirit.” I started a support group on Facebook, called “Missing you Mom and Dad” so others wouldn’t feel so alone like I did.
While attempting to heal my relationship with my father, but having no success, I wrote a book called “A Father’s Gun” (which is available on Amazon). It’s for Fathers and Daughters, no matter their age, and covers how “daddy issues” are created, hardwired, and then carried into adulthood relationships. The title plays on the scene in Bad Boys, where Will and Martin’s characters showed up at the door with the gun acting crazy for his daughter’s date. The truth is, you don’t have to intimidate the boy, you have to educate the girl! By doing so, she’ll always have her own figurative gun to protect herself. The Men who’ve read it tell me it made them rewrite their fathering plan.
After suffering from endometriosis for 19 years and noticing it getting increasingly worse, I DECIDED to enter into motherhood, unmarried at 30, with another mutually agreeing adult. However, it still didn’t stop the postpartum depression, and feeling I completely lost myself. I was shocked, no one walks you through WHAT REALLY HAPPENS, to your MIND, BODY, and SOUL, or your relationship with yourself when you become a Mother. I learned and teach, motherhood is an AND WITH COMMAS, not an OR! And how THERE IS A WAY you can bumper, avoid, and or process through PPD. Plus all the other lows and highs of motherhood, and how to bounce back better than before! I started another fun support group for moms or women who want to become moms, on Facebook called “Bad Moms Atlanta.” We have worldwide members and a lot of fun! Because, again, I felt unsupported and alone in that struggle. I wanted to create a safe place for moms to vent, ask questions, and simply BE without judgment. It’s not for the weak or sensitive mommies!
Unfortunately, my daddy issues lead me into many toxic relationships with Narcissists over the years, and I’d never sought professional help after my Mother passed away. Even after experiencing an anxiety attack so bad, it left me paralyzed, terrified, and alone on my living room floor. So, in 2019, I decided to see a therapist for myself, my daughter, and for the sake of future healthy loving relationships. I knew I needed to rewire my brain’s incorrect hardwiring, taught by generations who didn’t know any better.
Being one of the 27.5 million American’s without health insurance, I had the hardest time finding an African American female therapist. One who wasn’t charging a price I simply couldn’t afford and one I felt comfortable with. I stumbled across an amazing psychology student getting her clinical hours, who will soon be known as Dr. Edil. She told me I had decently processed myself through a lot of my own issues, and she asked me had I ever considered becoming a therapist myself? I enjoy the fact she had a personality and was a mother. I found that out because she was doing more than blinking at me in our sessions, and I felt understood. The laughter we had made for fun sessions, and quicker healing. When we were done, I decided to finalize my thought of becoming a life coach and I have received my certification in Trauma.
Cleveland raised me, Arizona made me, and Atlanta claims me. I am an Author, Actor, a Mother and YOUR Confi Life Coach.
CHECK OUT MY LATEST BOOK!
A Father's Gun: 10 Lessons to Raising Daughters
By: Amber Nicole Smiley
This book quickly explores (in 10 Lessons and under 40 Pages) an eye-opening look at Father-Daughter relationships, and the lessons a lot of Fathers don't know they must teach their daughters.